The Gift that I have
I have a bit of a knack for holding completely random and useless conversations with random people.
Example:
Yesterday I went to Rural King with Colin. I needed batteries. We walk in, get some free pop corn, and procede to walk aimlessly around the store and catch up.
Finally it was decided that it was time to make a purchase so that we could go and get a beer at Marty’s.
After circumambulating the store, I had absolutely no clue where batteries were. They weren’t by the tools, and I did not want to get a 4-pack out of the impulse aisle, so I asked the girl working the cash register.
“Back behind sporting goods,” she said.
I walk hurriedly in search of some alkalines, and come to the desired location.
So many choices, and I decided to go frugal. Pairdeer offered me about a thousand AA for $9.99. The packaging was camo and I seem to recall a 10-point rack somewhere near the logo.
I grab Colin (who had gone in search of batteries in a different location of the store) and we head to the registers.
This is somewhat how the conversation went with the 17-year old girl who I will refer to as Audrey.
Editors note: Audrey was not her name, and came to the author at random.
Me: Thanks for the help finding the batteries. Pairdeed. I have never heard of this brand. Are they good?
Audrey: Umm. I don’t know.
Me: Do you not use batteries?
Audrey: Well, I don’t really buy batteries.
Me: Do you not use things that require batteries?
Audrey: No… I really don’t have anything that uses batteries.
(this is not a verbatim transcript, but my attempt to remember something that happened 25 hours ago and while still trying to shake to cobwebs of a loooong night of drinking Keystone and Dr. McGillicuddy’s until 7am)
What makes this conversation so amazing is the fact that both Colin and I were able to not lose our composure after getting this young girl to admit that she does not use a vibrator.
Once the transaction began, I started to talk to this girl, she bit hard, and I ran with it.
Colin and I erupted with laughter the moment we were outside of the store.
I murdered the story, sorry.
STORY TWO
So I decided that I needed some food to help me recover from the before-mentioned all-night-drining-binge.
I got my truck from the party locale and oulled into the drive-thru of the local McDonalds.
GnR’s “Sweet Child of Mine” was playing on the airwaves.
I placed my order and pulled up to the second window.
The window opens and I immediately ask the employee if she liked Guns and Roses.
She asked me to repeat what I said, and I do.
She says that she does while wearing a smile.
I say good and pull away after grabbing my food.
How can you not say that my butchered stories are rather awesome?
Happy now Jane?
February 16th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
you may have butchered those stories, but i definitely felt like i was there in some sense. that is to say, i really got the vibe. i knew were you were going with the vibrator thing as soon as you opened your mouth at the check out aisle. i wish i was there. great party.
HHHOOOOOUUSSSEEE CCCCCCAAAAAALLLLLL!!!!!!!!
February 17th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
amber… her name was amber
February 19th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Yeah, man, I was there. and no, eric, that was pretty damn close to what was said. maybe i threw in a comment about remotes…. but no that was spot on. HA.